2. The human being is a solitary being

When I was inside the room where it would be my first surgery, I was waiting a long time the doctors arrived. He looked at the ceiling and had a strange feeling. Everything was a common practice for professionals who were there. It is an extreme paradox, because while I was terrified by the situation of being anaesthetized  and take me a testicle, for doctors and nurses, that was more common a Tuesday filled with surgeries. It gave me security on the one hand, since what was new for me, for them it was a habit, on the other I felt helpless, why the problem was with me and only me. Nobody here in this room had cancer. Their lives remained the same, each with their routine, their freedom. I saw a very lonely place. The loneliness that I speak here is not to be with no one around, because I was in the room that was about 3 or 4 more people. The realization that I had is something obvious, but do not stop to reflect on everyday. The health problem that I had was in my body. This meant that other people would continue to live their lives with their problems, and I had a problem that was mine, in me. It was that I needed to go through painful treatments, surgeries, invasive procedures. In front of life, I'm a body separate from the others. And at this point of individuality is what I need there. It is only for me and for me I need to express all that is in here. And this movement is paradoxical because the more I immersed myself in my existential loneliness, the more I was able to open to life and to others around me. There is a phrase of alchemy that says: "All that is properly separated can be properly united." And that's exactly what I experienced. I had to separate myself and walk a dark and unique, which gave me a chance to see who I am.