5. My life was worth

When I was doing chemo, often went to the hospital and doctors' offices. I found other people on treatment and saw many cases of cancer, often with worse prognoses and treatments longer than mine. I thought of the multitude of illnesses and accidents that could happen to me at any time, and how life falls apart in a few seconds. Then I thought about the sequence of events that happened until I got where I am living. How many times my life was threatened and I do not know? How many accidents I got rid of maybe two minutes for leaving home soon, and I'll never know? How did I get here alive? To do chemotherapy, I entered the oncology ward of the hospital, passing in front of the quarters of people who were admitted either to do the chemo, either by being in palliative care. I watched those people, skinny, weak, with only a trickle of looking at life. It was hard to face that. And then I thought, "Is it worth living? It is worth face myriad dangers that life places? Life is not safe. ". My conclusion after a few months: being alive is a miracle. Gradually, I realized that I believed in a series of illusions, I do not know how and why they learned. Where I got the idea that I was special and that the hand of fate would never weighed me? When I was taught that bad things only happen to others? Fortunately these illusions crumbled, and every time I cried was a few of them I was leaving. It is lighter live without them, today I see life with a very different freshness. Anything can happen. The risk is constant and it is this flow that I exist. There is no security in the face of existence. I can only bow before me of my own destiny, nothing more. There are things that are much bigger than me. With that I realized that I've got a lot of life. Live these 22 years has made my life worthwhile. If I died today, would die with gratitude for having experienced a bit of life. This sense of gratitude for life that I received is the greatest gift that cancer left me. Have my heart filled with joy at being alive is something real to me. Gradually, I am increasingly away from those dark days, and when I look back, I see a dark valley that was part of my trip. I'll never be the same.